This week I was called for jury duty. Jury duty provides yet
another opportunity to practice yoga off the mat!
First there is the arriving to jury duty, waiting in the
long line at security to enter the courthouse, waiting with hundreds of other
prospective jurors in the jury lounge waiting to be called. Waiting, waiting,
waiting. Waiting provides a great opportunity to connect with the breath,
connect with the present moment, and to enjoy the journey. Nowhere to go
(literally trapped in the jury lounge), nothing to do (but read the book about
Yamas and Niyamas that I brought with me). Waiting at jury duty provide endless
opportunities for simply connecting with the present moment.
Once I was put on a panel, the next stage was the process of
jury selection, which was very interesting. I was placed on a panel with about
50 other prospective jurors, and we were asked numerous questions – some very personal – that lead to the
elimination of some jurors. Questions such as:
“Have you or anyone you know ever been convicted of a crime?”
“Have you or anyone you know ever been a victim of a crime?”
“Have you or anyone you know ever been involved in a
domestic violence situation?”
Again, patience was key, as asking 50 individuals many questions
involved a lot of time and patience. At one point, they actually went around
asking all 50 people a series of questions about occupation, family
occupations, if you know any lawyers or police officers. Again, jury selection
involved lots of opportunities to be with the breath.
It also provided opportunity to share lovingkindness. Some
of the panelists had to share very personal stories about being victims of
violent crimes, abuse, even rape. I tried to practice active listening, giving
my full attention to them, and also sent them lovingkindness, or metta, as they
told these stories of pain and suffering in front of total strangers.
After all the questions were asked, the attorneys had the
opportunity to dismiss a certain number of jurors (I think it was 10). Here, we
were asked not to take dismissal personally. Not taking things personally is
definitely an important aspect of yoga practice! However, I was not dismissed,
and thus made my way onto the final jury of 12 jurors and 2 alternates.
Then the actual trial began. The trial was an amazing place
to practice yoga off the mat, specifically nonjudgmental awareness and active
listening.
First, you hear the charges against the defendant. In this
case, they were grizzly – nine counts of domestic violence, including from
physical violence resulting in injury, false imprisonment, rape, and threats of
murder. You have to remain open and unattached to any verdict. You have to
assume that the defendant is innocent, and not pass any judgment on him before
hearing all the evidence.
Then during testimony, you have to listen with nonjudgmental
awareness. For me, I found myself sometimes responding in my mind before the
witness would – especially when it was a question that had been asked multiple
times, as seems to be the case with trials (not quite as exciting dialogue as
in Law and Order and other such courtroom drama shows. They don’t show the
repetition and tedium!). It was an interesting exercise to hear my own
responses, and to separate these from what was actually happening and what the
witnesses would say. Mindfulness in action – being aware of one’s own thoughts
and the way our thoughts color our experience and reality. In the case of justice,
there is no room for such coloring. And this is why there is so much time spent
weeding the jurors out, asking questions about how people feel about police
officers, if anyone had experienced domestic violence – so as to limit the
potential automatic reactions that could cloud one’s judgment and perception of
testimony and evidence. This was a great opportunity to watch the habits of my
mind unfold and separate them from the true present moment – what was actually
happening and what was being said.
Then there is the active listening. As a juror, this is
really your number one task. We have to sit, hour upon hour, listening to
testimony, much of which is repetitive, much of which is filled with violence
and suffering, with open ears and without clouding the testimony with our own
thoughts, opinions, and experience. It is an excellent exercise in active
listening – another application of our nonjudgmental awareness. And it is
tiring!
When there were pauses, down time, shuffling of papers, I
try to send loving kindness to everyone in the room. May the defendant be
happy, may the witness be happy, may the lawyers be happy, may the judge be
happy, may my fellow jurors be happy…In a case like this, there is a lot of
human misery. Regardless of whether the charges against the defendant are true,
it is clear that they had a very dysfunctional, at best, relationship and both
of them suffer very much. Just listening to the details of their relationship
was heavy, let alone actually being a party in that relationship. And the
lawyers have to deal with details like this every day, as do the judge and
court staff. They must see a lot of human misery in their positions, a lot of
pain and suffering. It must weigh on them. I send them wishes to try to help
their spirits be a little lighter.
After 5 days of testimony, we entered deliberations. Here,
you are looking for truth – satya, in
Sanskrit, which is one of the fundamental ethical principles of yoga practice. We
had to decide whether the victim’s testimony was believable, was she telling
the truth? How about the other witnesses, who didn’t directly observe the
crimes committed? What about the experts – did what they say have a bearing on
the case? We were presented with a limited account of what happened, and some
questions still remained, but we did our best to find truth among these
details.
In this case, it was surprisingly fast. We all were in
agreement that the victim’s testimony was believable, that she was telling the
truth, and that the defendant was guilty of all charges. After two hours of
meticulously going through each charge and being certain that we agreed, we
came to guilty verdicts on all charges.
And at this point, I got to lay witness to the feelings that
arose around this guilty verdict. On one hand, I felt like justice had been served,
that we had found the truth and had come to the right decision. I felt secure
in our judgment. On the other hand, as the verdicts were read in the courtroom,
a family shattered. Four women, most likely the defendant’s family members, sat
and sobbed as the verdict was read, asking “How could they do that?!” They, meaning us, the jury. The youngest, who appeared
to be a teenager, possibly the defendant’s daughter, proclaimed, “It’s not fair!”
And it’s not fair, to be her, to have a father who is most likely going to
prison for a long time, to have someone you love taken away from you. I felt
terrible – I know that we didn’t cause that sadness directly, but I felt
unnerved and shaky in the presence of it. I left the courtroom with a heavy
heart.
And even if you know someone is guilty, it is hard to feel good
about sending anyone to prison, knowing that the conditions in prison are
unlikely to lead to rehabilitation and quite possibly could result in the
person being more violent than when they entered.
After this experience, I returned home, feeling shell-shocked
and a bit heavy. Yoga – posture, relaxation, meditation – helped me to reground, rest, and recover after a tiring week.
And that’s how I brought my yoga practice to jury duty!
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